Talk Thirty to Me: Starting a new decade without my Dad
I knew I wanted to celebrate my 30th. It felt like a milestone I needed to mark - for myself, for growth, for a new chapter. But it was also my first birthday without my dad. And that made everything feel heavy.
My dad and I shared a special milestone connection: we were born in the exact same year, our birthdays landing exactly six months apart. That year, he would have turned 70 in August. Entering a brand new decade without him there to enter his own felt like an emotional weight shadowing everything. I was overwhelmed.
Thankfully, my dear friend Kimberly, who’s an event planner, walked me through it all. She was my support, helping me bring the details to life when I couldn’t carry them on my own. I probably could’ve shown up better, but grief can make even the happiest moments feel hard, heavy, and foggy.
Then She Walked In
The day before was so overwhelming, I felt scattered by the long todo list and the fact that my food wouldn’t be ready. Then the doorbell rang and my sister surprised me! Flying in from New York to be here for my 30th.
The moment I saw her, I was overwhelmed with relief. I hugged her so tight. I could feel my tears rise up. Her presence grounded me. She’s been my steady support in so many moments of my life, and her being there helped me calm down and sort out the last minute pieces I couldn’t manage alone.
We probably lost some prep time in preparing, but she brought an energy that made it easier for us to stay up past 2am and do more prep work.
The Theme, the Toasts, the Table
I felt like I need an open an engaging space so I found an event space that had an open layout for a kitchen, dining, and living room space. Ironically, I wouldn’t want this for my house because I prefer separated rooms, but this worked to bring people together.
With the big island, there was space roaming, chatting, assembling plates. One of my favorite parts of the design that we learned while cleaning up was that the compost bin was hidden under the counter. No clutter, just space to gather.
The menu was avocado focused, of course.
Burritos with spinach tortillas
A gỏi with avocado, a Vietnamese touch I added intentionally
Mixed salads, fusion flavors
Avocado toast stations for a friendly competition
The avocado toast competion was easily my favorite part of the night. We gave everyone a mix of Trader Joe’s bread and ingredients and told them to go into teams, find something they had in common, and build their toast around it.
It was fun and ridiculous and surprisingly touching. Honestly, I couldn't have done a lot of this without my siblings participating as judges. They helped run the creations like it was Top Chef: Avocado Edition.
( Note to have your participants wash their hands before making the toast :P )
The cake came from Whole Foods - shoutout to the Berry Chantilly. I was very fortunate the baker did a green ombré layer and I topped it with a half avocado decor. We took a photo together under a banner that said: “Talk Thirty to Me.”
Starting 30 with Grief, Gratitude, and Green
I know my dad wanted all his kids to be happy. He wanted to ensure that the hardships he went through weren't things we ever had to endure. But there was always a constant tension there of navigating a world he couldn't fully access because of language and cultural barriers.
I always wondered if he truly saw me through all of it, and if he knew I was becoming who I was because of the very foundation he had set.
Maybe that’s why, when I looked around that night, I became an observer at my own table.
I had so many questions in my mind about where I was going. So I just watched. I looked at the friends around me and thought about how they had shaped me. I took in the noise, the laughter, while still feeling a bit detached but deeply grateful.
Sitting in that chair, I wasn't waiting for a fairytale ending or a major kickoff party, I was just observing the foundation I had spent the past 29 years building for myself and on top of his.
I began my thirties with people who shaped me in different stages of my life and dishes that felt like home, and the quiet knowing that I can hold sadness and celebration at the same time.
And in the avocado toast competition, we saw the creativity, the past connections, and new memories being created.
My birthday was filled with laughter and quiet space to just watch, wonder, and honor where I came from. Both were present.
And perfectly timed before the Covid shutdown. It was a gift before the world changed in so many ways.